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Thursday, April 27, 2006
6:57 PM
In the morning, I missed my bus, and tried to hail a taxi down for 50 whole minutes, went to FIVE different spots and got drenched once again from head to toe. And I had tons of homework to rush on. It was a sign that it wouldn't be a good day for me. I was so down, I felt like crying right there and then. But, I held on till I reached class. I couldn't take it any longer, tears rolled down my face; no one cared. I've always been careful of every single detail of the boys, but no one cared about this girl who have always been there for them, helped them, even used by them. No one cared, no one...
Later, I felt better after bitching with Val, and with Keith, Jia Qi and Jun Wei listening to our conversation, giving some comments occasionally. Remained happy for the rest of the morning and then went for maths consultation in the afternoon. I felt so fustrated and stress! URRGH! Better off dead. Then went down to play volleyball with the boys, Jane and Denise. Then after a while, Ms Tan came to tick us off. =/ So we went to Mac's to refresh ourselves then went to AMK CC.
Played volleyball and basketball. Then after that, felt bad again lah. It's always been, "*beep* do you want to play?", "*Beep* are you okay? Why are you not in school?", "Do you feel hungry? If you want, we can go and eat." Never been, "Belle, do you want to play?", "Belle, are you okay? Why are you not in school?", "Do you feel hungry?"
And it's always me doing things for them, helping them, being used by them. But no one cared. They preferred the ones that don't really care, don't really like to share. It broke my heart, but what could I have done? They won, hands down. I'm the biggest loser in town. The world has turned its back on me; no one loves me.
Starting from tomorrow, I'm going to be different. Speak only when spoken to, do things only when asked to. I'll see if the boys noticed and if they cared.
I took photos, but not in the mood to upload them. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Going off now.